Debbie Kim moved to LA after graduating from the Missouri Journalism in 2005 to help plant a church in Santa Monica.

http://www.kairos.la
http://www.lamag.com/do/blog.aspx?dt=05/12/2008

Here’s a story Debbie wrote following her freshman year of college at Mizzou:

I blinked and my freshman year of college came and went like a breath of air. An entire nine months have somehow slipped through my fingers and I am left standing in a dorm room that is bare once again, packing up the memories of a year that has flown by so quickly that I can hardly believe that I am going back to the home I was so reluctant to leave. Nine months ago, I had left the comfort of everything familiar, braced to suffer for God in this middle-of-nowhere city and nearly certain that the only spiritual lessons I would learn would be through loneliness and sorrow. How different were the plans he had for me!

My first semester was spent being very disturbed at my surrounding world, but as I watched people spoil their lives I could not help but feel like my own was stagnating. How could I help others when I felt like a mediocre Christian at best? I had studied the Word, gone to church, prayed the prayers, and yet I know I was not the broken prostitute; I was the Pharisee. Then, over the winter, God slowly began to change me. He unfolded the petals of a divine love that I had somehow overlooked in my walk with him and his very character came into sharper focus through the lens of his love. He revealed to me his patience through a love that waits, his mercy through a love that covers over a multitude of sins, his peace through a love that comforts, his glory through a love that never falters and always triumphs. And as he opened the eyes of my hardened heart to see this amazing love, I could not help but cry out, “Father, help me love you back!”

It is only now that I realize how God has answered these prayers, words that I thought the deaf walls had absorbed. Instead, they had reached the very ears of my Creator and after six years of awkward growth as a fat spiritual baby, his love entered the picture and transformed everything. Finally, the question of 1 Corinthians 13 made sense: What have we if we do not have love? And what do we have to live for if there is no love? It is because of love that God chose to communicate with us, and it is that very love that should dominate our relationships with others. Gradually, I discovered what the heavenly definition of love was through people who exemplified God’s love to me and by looking toward Jesus. At the foot of the cross, I discovered that true love is not shaped like a heart but that it is made out of wood and nails, that it is not about emotion but devotion, that it takes time, care and effort and that it does not come easy. And ultimately, it is a love that draws and heals people, not grand words and pious acts.

As I began to see the love of God, he started to open my lips. I honestly had no desire to do so, but the curious thing about this love is that once I experienced it, I could not keep my mouth closed about it. He poured love into my empty cup to the point of overflowing, and that love began to flood out of me. He brought other dry vessels into my life so that I could spill out his love and reveal to them the very manifestation of all: the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine turning back now, and I cannot fathom returning to my former self, which I finally cast off for good in exchange for the garments of Jesus. My life is no longer my own because I have seen the love of a Father and Friend who cares about me more than I could ever care about myself. Therefore, in light of this love, I have concluded that I want to live for Jesus this summer and for the rest of my life because

• I have died to this world and I cannot live for anything or anyone else, for the purpose to which I have been called far exceeds anything I will ever encounter ever again.
• He is the very source of my joy and the engine of my life, and to live for him would only be a delight.
• because he dwells within me, and to ignore him would be to deny everything in me.
• I remember what life was like before him and it pales in comparison to the life I know of now.
• there is little time left and much work to be done, and I am convinced that just as he has filled my life with opportunities to glorify him during the school year, the summer will be packed with similar chances.
• I am completely persuaded that he is the only one who can and will make my summer (and my life) worthwhile.
• I am thoroughly equipped to do so.
• I am his worker and servant, indebted to his love.
• I have seen how he has worked in me and in others, and I cannot live knowing that others are not experiencing the greatest love and peace and grace known to mankind.
• there is an entire world crying out for Jesus, and nothing else can fill that void except for him.
• I have the answer to that cry.
• But most of all, I want to live for Jesus this summer because he died for my sins, bearing my cross and my shame, and because he rose again to free me from certain death. I want to live for Jesus because he loved me and loves me still, and I find no greater satisfaction and joy than in expressing my love for him through the offering of my life.